I think I will start from here, an assessed assignment of being unruly
Let me just tell you a short story first about myself. A 25 years old woman, can’t really say woman but better to say girl to be culturally appropriate, who came to the UK for a year to take a breathing break of being unruly, however ended up taking unruly class.
Why I ended up to the same thing I am running from, but am I really running from the unruliness?
Actually, no I am not. Being unruly is the declaration that saved me over those years. I just needed a break from the complicated, violent and sometimes ugly context. Now, it is the good chance of reflection on the beautiful unruliness journey.
Funny thing is while I am writing this, FB reminded me of a post I made in 2014 at the end of a tough battle with major depression:
“You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.” Jhonna
Looking at this now after studying different faces, forms and places of power, unruliness, agency and months of reflecting; made me realize what a naive and dark statement this was.
My life under all of these rules, structures, systems and as a subject following certain social order is not my own. Getting on a plane is not that easy in a world with visas, rigid lines and walls. The world will never be in anyone’s or any individual’s hand because this is very defeating and undermining to others agencies and the structural power over us the subjects.
The analysis of the statement I am making now is not dark at all, It actually makes me feel better in an ironic way.
From unruliness lens this analysis offers an open door of alternatives, resistance and opportunities. It is not the matter of having the world in my hands, it is being free to fly beyond those world visible and invisible lines. Breaking the rules, resisting, form consensus with the similar non parts of the system, not being the subjects and being unruly is mainly why I am studying unruly and what my blog theme is about.
Unruly Politics 